Broken Instinct

In the positive world of self-discovery, I have come across some rather disturbing facts; namely my so called instinctual fight or flight response is broken.  I should have realized this ages ago but I was apparently too busy not fighting or fleeing to notice.

It was brought to my attention recently while I again sat frozen, staring at the radio willing it to stop playing that song that breaks my heart into tinier pieces each time I hear it.  Did I fight?  I hardly think a loud “Ugh!” counts in that regard.  Did I flee? I didn’t even change the channel.

After the song was over and I berated myself for doing nothing, similar instances came flooding back.  Standing motionless as a ‘loved one’ screams obscenities so close to my face I can feel their breath; staring at the unknown dog barking and running in my general direction; laying stock still after saying “no” for the hundredth time; completely spacing out while getting yelled at for missing curfew, again.

Clearly this has been going on for quite some time, so any hope of it being under warranty is gone.  That being said how do you fix a broken instinct?


One thought on “Broken Instinct

  1. I’ve only ever gotten that “Instinct” to activate in recent years. And only under extremely fear/anxiety-filled circumstances. I think you need to look at those situations and think “how fearful was i?” Whatever those scenarios were, did they trigger anger, sadness, or maybe just shock? It’s possible you’re just not giving yourself enough credit in that you had enough resilience to handle those situations without “freaking out” to the next level.
    The actual instinct is not something you would want to easily conjur. Trust me, it’s a terrifying and extremely uncomfortable/paranoid feeling.

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